Be Kind, Rewind and Reflect

Several weeks ago as I was driving, an ambulance pulled out on the road with lights and sirens. I immediately pulled over to to let it through. My son asked why I pulled over when we were already very late (story of my life)? And while I could have kept driving knowing my turn was less than a half a mile away, I wanted to do the “kind” thing.

Recognizing that this was a teachable moment, I encouraged more conversation, especially since every car did not pull over. My kids love a teachable moment, hence their sighs. I like to process our feelings a lot so we rewind the scenario. They will either be emotionally healthy or totally neurotic.

I want my kids to know we all have choices, you can choose to be self centered or you can care about others. Now I am acutely aware that I may not qualify for a humanitarian award by pulling over. However, I think it is becoming less and less common to think about how our actions affect others. If we do not teach kindness to our children they will not value kindness either. And no I am not talking about the Pay it Forward movement, if you are in the Starbucks drive through you can pay for your own $4 coffee. I am talking about giving genuine kindness when people need it the most.

As a society we have become fixated on the behaviors that reward us with little concern on the consequences for others. We have prioritized “selfcare” over selfless acts and the common good. And all of this is hidden behind taking care of ourselves.

Selfish behaviors are normalized and even celebrated, everyone gets a pass for any number of reasons. Not in my house. My kids have real consequences to their behavior. We teach the golden rule and tell our kids when they are being jerks. I want them to be able to self reflect and take responsibility for their own behavior. And we as parents have to teach that.

This week I spent a lot of time talking with people about kindness, probably because I was presenting on kindness in my professional life. Yes, I think it is that important. And while my children are not always their kindest selves, I ask them to reflect on their behavior. There is no discomfort like the realization your behavior does not match your values. And I call them out, collective gasp. As you can tell I parent hard, there is no time for passive parenting. We have 18 short years to turn out good humans, there is no time to waste. Spend time rewinding a situation, reflecting on it, and making a plan for doing it better in the future.