Failing Well or Falling Well, the Water Ski Edition

This week we attempted to water ski. When I say "we" I am using this term very loosely. I took a very pleasant boat ride while watching the kiddos fall into the water repeatedly. I decided I am no longer limber enough to find skiing appealing nor do I care to visit my husband or his coworkers at work anytime in the future.

My oldest child tried to get up on the skis and fell multiple times. She was persistent, got up on the skis, and had several good runs. She was confident in her ability and therefore could withstand the practice time to get up.

Now my middle child was a different story all together. While she happens to be my strongest child physically, she only tried to get up on the skis twice before giving up. She is a feisty thing, often fueled by her own anger similar to the Incredible Hulk. However, she could not stand the failure of not getting the skill on the first try and only tried twice.

We all have the ability to learn new things from the simplest task to the most difficult. However, failing can make us uncomfortable. Learning to try hard in spite of not being perfect on the first try is a difficult lesson. I have no doubt that if she would have tried several more times she could have succeeded. If she didn’t expect perfection from the beginning, she could have proved herself capable.

We are all a work in progress. If something is hard it doesn’t mean we stop or we failed at the task. We need to get comfortable with failure. Sit with that for a minute...it's important. Because if you can’t sit with the feeling of failure, you can’t teach your kids to tolerate the distress of not being the best. No, every kid doesn't get a trophy because that does not work in adulthood. Work hard and prove to yourself you are capable.

We have to normalize failure for our kids so they don’t give up when it gets hard. We have to help our kids develop confidence even if they are struggling with a new skill or task because that is how we learn.

I believe self-confidence is the key to failing well. Knowing that a failure does not define you helps you feel safe enough to keep trying. Let’s celebrate failing well or in this case falling well for my middle child and having the confidence to try again.

The next time we go to the lake we will encourage her to try again. We will remind her that she is the only one putting pressure on herself to succeed the very first time. We will talk it through and tell her we are proud of her for trying, for failing, and for falling. We will remind her that her value has nothing to do with water skiing and encourage her to find the courage to try again.