Let’s Hear It For The Come Back

This week my middle child learned to ride a bike. Riding a bike has been really tough for her. Like really tough, she has worked on it for over two years. She would start to peddle and quit in frustration. We cheered, coached, and attempted to bribe her with a new bike to no avail. But this week, she decided she was going to ride a bike. And she did it, but she did it with the help of her brother. He rode with her every step of the way offering support and most importantly being present. She could face the challenge but she didn’t have to do it alone. She needed a hype man. It was proud mom moment, only slightly overshadowed by the picture day debacle later that week. Picture day is the worst.

As a therapist my job is to sit with people in some of their most difficult moments. It can be excruciating. And any therapist that tells you otherwise is not really in it. Being a therapist is a lifestyle, not a job. You can’t clock in and out of it; you have to get in the trenches with people to understand them. And in the trenches we listen and understand the intensity of people's feelings, the hopelessness when a situation feels impossible, and the sadness when a season of life ends. Sometimes we provide practical skills for tolerating difficult emotions but mostly we are present with people when they are in pain so they don't have to face it alone.

When I was in graduate school one of my professors said the most difficult part of being a therapist is that you will never hear the end of the story. He was spot on. I often think about past clients; I wonder if they changed their job, reconnected with a family member, or left their unhealthy relationship.

Every once in a while I’m gifted with seeing a client out in public who feels comfortable saying hello. Or sometimes even a text message of a sonogram or an engagement announcement which is always super cool. But my favorite updates are when past clients reach out to tell me how they handled some thing that was really tough for them with grace.

Now if you are a former or current client of mine you know the term grace well and what I mean. I use the term often to acknowledge that while life is hard (and most times unfair) allowing yourself the grace to be human is a important. Yes I want you to endure and persevere, but with the grace to be imperfect and make mistakes. Not every day is a slam dunk.

Giving yourself grace is a gift of self care. Think mani/pedis or a massage. Love yourself enough to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to endure pain. It is my honor to sit with people in their toughest moments and truly hear them. I realize that it’s a space that not many people are invited into and for that privilege I am grateful. I hope to be a hype man. I feel joy when clients report triumphs and recognize growth in the hardest of places.

I myself am a come back story and I can appreciate the come back in others. And the come back is all the more beautiful when you have trudged through something really hard. So keep trudging if that’s where you are because growth is on the other side. Find someone to be with you in the trenches. Someone to cheer you on when you find your strength, and someone to clap when you are brave. Get a hype man, but preferably one who cooperates on picture day.