Mother Trucker: Its a Long Haul

I am a mom of three. But in reality I am the coordinator of chaos. I schedule rides, childcare, and every event my family attends. Just ask my husband, he literally has no idea where he should be or when he should be there. I have become the cruise director but not in the fun Carnival type of way. I actually mean the Drill Sargent we must march in birth order sort of way. I own my flaws. But that is not the heavy part of motherhood.

The true intensity of "Mom-ing" is attempting to meet the emotional needs of your children. And guess what, that changes sometimes daily. So just as you learn the rules to one phase, BAM that phase is gone and there are new rules to learn. And just like that the game changes and you have to think on your feet at a moments notice. Its annoying. But moms keep trucking.

So here is a tip when you get stuck dumbfounded by the new phase. I tell my children "I don't know". I just own it. Don't shake your head, lets just be real. Sometimes you really just don't know. So hear me out instead of panicking, just acknowledge that its a difficult question and you need a minute. This is what I say to my kids; I really have to think about this one and I will get back with you when I am more prepared to address this question. Now this might be that I don't have the emotional energy right this moment or this might mean one of my little gremlins have thought of a really deep question to stall bedtime. Either way the answer is I will circle back.

This weekend alone my husband and I have tackled self confidence, body image, the birds and the bees (yep, that's a fun one), and peer group issues. Children are heat seeking missiles for honest responses and I think honesty is the best way to build trust. So be honest but be developmentally honest. My oldest daughter learned this weekend how a baby gets in a mommy's tummy. But her father and I decided that there is no need to tell her how much fun it is yet. We can keep that detail until she is older.

In this dreaded conversation I explained there is more to learn about sex but she is not old enough to understand the full impact and therefore when she is a little older I will be willing to answer more questions. I also explained that each parent needs to decide when and how much to share regarding this topic and so I asked her not to share what she learned with her friends or siblings. It is her job to protect the information that was given to her this weekend and to encourage her friends to ask their parents about it if they have questions (you're welcome 5th grade parents!).

Kids ask tough questions because they want to learn how to be adults. We should answer them truthfully because we are responsible for teaching them how to address tough things. This is our job. We have to teach them how to be good humans and how to face tough situations with grace and determination.

Now you can choose to avoid. That is always an option. You can choose to let the world educate your child. There are plenty of opportunities for children to receive messages from social media, friends, and school. But I would venture to say that most parents want to help their children develop similar values and that means you must do the work. Keep trucking, its a long haul.

I am not perfect at motherhood and I mess up daily. But my kids know I love them enough to answer questions thoughtfully. And my hope is that if I am honest that they will come to me when life gets hard and we can figure it out together. So I keep trucking making good and bad calls daily. There are days when my only goal is to get back in the bed after a day full of over scheduled events (yes my name is Amanda and I am an over scheduler). On those days my kids know I am not at my best because I don't try to hide it. I want them to see that I am human.

This Mother's Day...here's to the moms putting in all the work. To the moms that don't avoid hard things even if they want to. To the moms that answer tough questions. To the moms that say no and correct bad behavior (sometimes even in public..gasp). To the moms that worry about their "mom-ing" and the moms that cry because they fell short. But most of all to the moms who love fiercely and try to teach kind children in world that is always sending kids messages about what they should value. Keep trucking Mama..it s a long haul.