Same Same

Raising children and caring for aging persons are the same same. Hear me out. Decision making for others is much harder than making tough calls for yourself. The consequences hit differently when you are in control of what happens to another person whether it is a child or aging adult. But this is week I realized my decision making is almost the same.

My grandfather was hospitalized this week which is tough on my family. He is the patriarch and when I was young I thought he could do no wrong. He is clever and honest. If you ask him a question be prepared, he always has an opinion and he sugar coats nothing (I mean nothing). When you are old you can say what you want.

My grandfather is the hero in all of my childhood stories. This particular health issue has left us making decisions that are difficult. He has been at home for almost all of his 100 years. And he only stayed in rehab briefly after his knee replacement partly because he is a tough old bird and mostly because he is the worst patient ever. He will have to go a facility this time too, hopefully for a brief stay so he can return home where he can walk the farm, read all the books in the South Rowan library, and watch tv way too loud.

The decisions the family has made this week have been for his benefit and his safety although he may not like them. Seriously, he is like a cat in a cage in a hospital room. Nurses love it when he accuses them of trying to kill him because they won’t give him food against doctor’s orders. The same way I told him I would not be bringing him cake and ice cream to our “slumber party” in the hospital. Parenting feels the same to me sometimes. We are constantly making unpopular but decisions in their best interest.

On more than one occasion, the “I hate you” as my girls say and the “you are the worst” as my son says, I feel a twinge of heaviness for the responsibly of making these hard decisions. However, it is what it is. We can only make the next logical decision without panicking. Adulting.

So this week while my family continues to make tough calls, I know that we are not solely responsible for what happens. I am only responsible for making the very next healthy decision. That may look different depending on the situation. Sometimes that looks like taking your time and being honest about needing time. Other times it looks like seeking advice from people who have been in your shoes before. There is wisdom in knowing you don’t know it all.

So while this weeks’ decision making processes feel the same same. Parenting and caring for the crotchety, while it is heavy at times, the weight of those decisions is normal. And because it is a normal response, we can accept those feelings and move forward without unnecessary guilt.