Banking the Positives

Perfect space for a hot tub.

My husband and I have very different ideas of what our bank account should look like. According to researchers, financial stress is one of the biggest stressors for a couple. Our marriage is no different. However financial stress can not be simplified into just paying the bills. Financial stress is also what you choose to spend your money on (hot tub). Or even how much money to spend at one time comfortably without causing anxiety (mountain house). And lastly whether you value experiences over a large savings account (boat). Furthermore, I like to go on vacations.

There are compromises to be made by both partners when it comes to financial decisions. As evidenced by me not having a hot tub, mountain house, or a boat. We do in fact have a house, two cars, and three kids. Jon agreed to only two kids. See, we do have compromises.

My husband has a motto that he says repeatedly to everyone who will listen. He says “You can have anything, but you can’t have everything." And it must be true, otherwise I would have a hot tub, a mountain house, and a boat. But I digress, this blog is not really about financial decision making. What if instead of money or material things, I change my focus. Goodbye hot tub and hello growth.

The reality is we all want more money and more material things. But we also need to consider banking happiness. Positive experiences, feelings, and behaviors can be simple and cost nothing. Happy husband. The benefits of banking the positives include being less overly emotional. So maybe you won’t freak out in car rider line. Where are my mom’s at? Or have less impulsive reactions when you’re confronted with a problem. Screaming at your partner when parenting gets tough only feels good in the moment. And you will have better ability to tolerate difficult life situations and changes.

If we bank positives successfully we can be faced with a lot of obstacles without freaking out (clearly not a clinic term but one of my personal favorites-it’s so descriptive). If we don’t have positive thoughts, feelings, and experiences to ground us, one little stressor might induce panic. And in my experience it’s usually the smallest of things that you can’t, in hindsight, remember why you felt so strongly or said things you may regret.

To be clear banking the positives will not get you a boat, a hot tub, or a mountain house. But banking the positives will reduce depression, help you react in healthy ways when you are triggered, and increase your social supports. Although everyone deserves a good freak out sometimes, it feels much better to be in control of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.