Good Grief and Other Related Clippings

Warning: this blog is heavy. And in full disclosure if you’re living this right now, this blog might be hard to read.

When I was little my grandmother would cut out articles for me to read. It was usually from a magazine called the Guide Post (IYKYK) or other inspirational books. But my personal favorite were clippings of our local newspaper. These articles would contain anything from local news to warnings about rabid raccoons. For real, rabies was a very real threat in our area when I was 12. Terrifying.

Each person in the family had their own assigned readings, but mine were usually regarding transitions or life stages. It got real interesting in my teens…all the hot button Lutheran topics: Virginity, modesty, and healthy romantic relationships. In true southern grandmother fashion, I would read whatever article was picked out for me that week and try to identify the lesson that was being taught. Then we would watch the all the CBS soap operas while eating banana milkshakes made with ice cream out of a 1 gallon tub. This was coping from a very early age. Ask my kids about our own trips to sweet frog when we are sad, it’s a familial pattern.

This week my aunt sent me an article to read and it was exactly what I needed. We encounter a difficult subject and cut out an article that speaks to your experience. It’s what we were taught to do. If there is trouble we send each other articles of support, sympathy, and encouragement. And I’m no different. Instead of newspaper articles I send people songs, funny memes, and FB articles written by other bloggers I follow.

This week my family and I have been grieving. Although we are all in different grief stages, we are all grieving the loss that is happening in our family. Grief is a funny thing; you grieve before, during, and after a loss. Some days I can be totally logical and put it together and other times I cry while eating oatmeal at the breakfast table. Aren’t emotions fun? And if you see me crying in my car when I am alone, don’t worry about me, I will get myself together before I get out of the car. I am not depressed I am just feeling deeply. It’s okay to be that raw. This is how I grieve.

A retired hospice nurse recently told me that death and loss can be a beautiful experience. It can be filled with love and gratitude for the experience of letting go if we choose not to fight it. We can accept the situation and cope. While I can’t predict how or when I will feel strong emotions, I can deal with them from moment to moment by accepting my own human response. Despair does not have to be the end result. Sadness and hopelessness are two different experiences.

Understanding the process of grief can help set up healthy expectations. However my clinical experience tells me that each experience and each person is remarkably different. While I don’t know how I will feel in the weeks to come, I know I will read some recommended articles, because it’s what we do. I will send out songs that give me strength because that’s what I do. And I will remind myself about the experiences and blessings I have had that make it so hard to imagine letting go of someone so special to me. I will grieve. I will cry. And I will probably eat some ice cream. And who knows if it will be in that order.